Saturday, June 28, 2014

final

couldnt believe it until now. i  have  been here for almost 1 year and another 4 months to go before i finished my foundation programme. i had been struggling since i first entered here. it was such a bittersweet moment that i shall never forget. it happens once in lifetime. i would possibly  be telling those moments to my kids or even my grandchild. inshaAllah. we would never know when we are leaving and going back to the real place, where everything in this world doesnt matter anymore.

and that is very random thought of mine, it popped up suddenly, just spontaneously without i have to think much. well, ramadan is coming very soon. a day left. inshaAllah, i want to feel the taste of ramdan once again hopefully it will filled with beneficial activities and stuff that will increase my rewards. i am afraid of my sins, i would be a bluff if i were to say that i havent done anything wrong in my lifetime. i have been living in this world, thanks to Allah, for almost 19 years. i will reached 19 in this december though. i would be hard to know that im growing older, before this i was just a little kid that would never willingly to be apart from my mum and my dad. i would cry if my need isnt being fulfilled. i would cry and throw a tantrum if things werent like i want it to be. i would cry and being sulky and threw impolite words towards my parents if they didnt buy me what i want. i was immature and still immature kid. i have done lots of things, bad things.. i'm sure i have done lots of sins.

i couldnt think of that anymore, it was burdensome and yet heart breaking. just to imagine that, my heart breaks and would fall into pieces.

if i could.. i want to reverse time, to be that innocent person before becoming who i am now. i wish, but it will not going to happen that way.

maybe i should take lesson and be the person that i wished to be. inshaAllah. changes are never easy.

so, im feeling kinda a little homesick, and hungry. i tried to stop eating so frequently because i wante to save costs. and i ended up with eating half of my biscuits. but i did actually save up my money and reduces cost on foods. well i think the price is higher than before, even when i took 3 pieces or whatever they call and an egg i got charged for rm3.50. it was ridiculous... nevermind the food.

so last semester, i have passed my level 2 arabic and managed to get 3.58 something. Alhamdulillah, even though the gpa went down unike the previous semesters i am happy enough. i have made my parents smiled. i can see their happiness through their smiles especially my dad. my family went through a lot of things, bad ones. until i have totally forgot how it feels to cry over to think about our future. but we have started over, clean way. start from strach, trying to build our family back. trying to be part of the society once again. it is actually sad to see your parents work really hard, wake up early in the morning even though they  are in age where they should enjoy doing things or even prepare for religious activities but they wont be able to do that. to eat, they have to think twice, do they make enough money. to pay bills, to pay loans and to feed us.

my second brother made a big sacrifice, he is going to move to sibu, he worked in perak before, but just to help us he decided to move to sarawak to get bigger pay. he wanted to provide us with evrything and wanted to shower happinless to my parents but he couldnt.

besides, this-is-different-story....my father put his hope on me. he wanted me to study well have a good job, buy him a car, give money to him. and he doesnt allow me to marry unless i have those. i was kinda shocked. what if i met the love of my life that i have been waiting for the rest of life? i mean at this point of my life. should i sacrifice or not? deep down, i wanted to get married early but i know that wont happen in my life, so ma n abah, dont you worry, nobody wants your little daughter cause im not pretty and attractive for a guy to even recognize me..inshaAllah, i wanted to get married but seems like there are no hopes of that.

so i decided, not to fall to every single person(guy) in cfs or even outside. i would wait at those age when i finally fulfilled your hope, i hope so, n i wanted to stay abroad. to travel the world, since i have never been on a plane before. uhh this is embarrassing..ye i never been abroad n never been on a plane. so, i wanted to fall in love abroad with local people there.

so now, i would study hard and trying my best to follow the deen, be a good daughter, sibling, friend,society.

i will study hard and smart for this very final semester, to get 4 flat like what u have imagined abah, and will always trying to make u and ma proud to have me.

i would put my unnecessary stuff and hopes aside try to be a good daughter that would bever fail to make you both smile.

p/s: ahlan wasahlan ya ramadan, ana uhibbu ramadan. fi ramadan tujad kasiran mufidah.)(my broken arabic. since i have passed level 2 arabic n hv to continue on level 3 in gombak during degree. tehheee)

EXCUSE MY LONG POST. I HAVE TEARS WHILE WRITING ALL THESE THOUGHTS t_t


Sunday, April 6, 2014

.

found this somewhere, i feel chu sista.

 "Few days ago, my best friend told me that someone confessed his love to her. I don't know what to feel because i never experienced such situation before  I don't have pretty face and smile, nor curvy body. I could not say i am an average-looking girl, because i am lower than that. No, you do not have to tell me ""You are beautiful in your own way"". I asked my male best friend, what are the criterias of his dream girls? He replied ""kind and beautiful"". I am not surprised to know that someone as religious as him also concerns about the looks. Some of my friends have been promoting the idea of early marriage and showed me pictures of young married couples and i said ""if i were the guys i surely would wife the pretty ladies. Kalau kau boleh tunjuk gambar macam ni tapi wife dia biasa2, tak cantik sgt, that'd be great"". And they failed to do so. Isn't it obvious that EVERY GUY in the world would fall for pretty girls regardless her attitudes and deen strength?

I am not trying to drag the other average girls out there into my level of mentality. But if you have your own way to keep your self-esteem high, share with me in the comment box. And please, don't say anything about being ugly if you already have flawless skin smoky eyes pointy nose nice lips and charming smile, because i don't have ANY OF THESE. "

 I can relate myself to you because I had been feeling depressed about that issue few years ago. But girl, tak cantik tak apa, if god has taken something away from you, he will compensate another thing to you. Maybe we are not born to be in the group where general definition of pretty stands but we have other talents that the pretty girls are lacking off. No one is perfect in everything. You have your strength and your weaknesses. Observe yourself to see which area you are strong in i. e. intelligence, photographic memory, good vocal, artistical talent or anything other than beauty. Enhance that strength so that you will be proud of yourself and get over the physical traits

 i feel u girl *virtual hugs*. i have many friends who are either married,getting married,engaged or in a relationship,got confessed to and all of them are pretty,and i even wonder so many times,am i still single because i'm not that pretty?i know people said beauty is in the eye of the beholder etc but when nobody ever say u are pretty then that surely means something.but i think i grew out of that.being pretty is NOT the most important thing  to confessor,i would like to share so many things with u so it is ok if u want to pm me  take care and have more confidence in yourself ok

 Beauty will fade. What makes a husband to stay with her wife forever is not because of her looks but because of her kind heart.

He knows that his wife's pretty looks will soon fade as she grows old, but he knows that her kind heart will remain forever.

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

kenapa

kenapa aku mudah  tertarik dengan orang
atau dengan jantina yang berlawanan
aku rasa diri aku mengarut
jadi 
aku nekad untuk
melupakan semua yang ada di dalam  hati
jadi mereka tak perlu risau
kerana aku akan berhenti menyukai mereka
walaupun ia bukan  semudah abc. 

-----

p/s: bila ada orang peduli pasal kau, bagi kau roti kalau kau kelaparan, dan ingin bertemu dengan keluarga kau. apa perasaan kau?  

oh ya itu bukan aku, aku tak akan pernah melalui semua itu. ini cerita mereka, cerita aku? mungkin tak akan berlaku. kecewa? agak lah. hampir menangis? tidak. tapi hancur. crushed. sebab kau tahu kau tidak menjadi pujaan hati sesiapa.  

aku sungguh menyedihkan.

titik

kadangkala apa yang kita rasa tak sama
ia akan tak akan pernah sama
kadang kala ia hanyalah aku
bukan kau
atau hakikatnya kau tak pernah tahu
takkan pernah tahu 
mungkin kau sendiri tak sedar akan kewujudan aku
terima kasih
dan selamat tinggal
kerana aku sudah menemukan titik noktahnya
untuk melupakan
mulakan hidup
titik

Friday, March 21, 2014

tak tahu

kenapa orang cakap kita kaya bila kita pakai iphone 5s? aku tak faham. pakai samsung galaxy note 3 tu tak cukup kaya ke?

just because i own an iphone that doesnt mean anything. it just a freaking phone dan ak perlu la tanya dengan lebih detailsnya duit siapa yang aku guna. sumpah tak selesa.

,,,,,,,,


Saturday, January 18, 2014

new semester begins

Assalamualaikum everyone =D im glad to tell you that im in third semester. Alhamdulillah, the past semesters were great. i've met a lot of people around me and i think it was such a blessing  because during my school time i didnt have a lot of friends. i've been really shy and awkward but still the shyness and awkwardness havent really go away. hahaha

so, in semester 1. i've passed or exempted in english test and i dont have to take english anymore. meaning to say that im free from english classes. but i sill have to take arabic classes because i only managed to reach level 2. hopefully in this semester, i will exempted from arabic classes :) amin. so ive got alhamdulillah an A and a b+ for my core subjects.

then students normally would have a 3 month of semester break before moving to the next semester but i only got a month of holiday and went back early to cfs(centre for foudation studies) because in my study plan i was compulsory to take short semester. urgh. in short semester, students would normally took 2 subjects but this is an exceptional for graduating students. yes i took 2 subjects which were basic themes of al quran(university subject) and basic communication(core subjects) and alhamdulillah again i got an B+ and an A. hehe, many people said that btq was hard n i felt the same way but the ustazah actually had encouraged me a lot.

"if others can you also can but it needs effort"

thank you ustazah. and thank you too madam. learning communication was fun. a lot of fun.

and here in semester 3. im taking 5 subjects. insha Allah.

basic psychology
understanding islam
contemporary issues in the muslim world
critical and creative thinking skills
arabic level 2

actually it supposedly to be 4 subjects only but since i dont have english class, i added one subject from fnal semester to this semester. it's critical and creative thinking skills, so im all alone in that section. that section belongs mostly to second year students and i might be the only firs year student. im scared to death. i dont know that -,-

and this semester seems tough. ya Allah, may Allah ease everything. may Allah bless me with the knowledge, may Allah bless me with good mates.

oh yeah, in psych class we're in the same class with third intake students.... they are previously from matrik n  other universities. excellent and the girls are masha Allah beautiful. i feel so insecure. and the boys are mashaAllah, heard one of them talked in english. that accent bro that american accent. im out of their league.

and i have my eyes on this brother, he seems cute with his braces. i dont know his name, but my friend told me that his name got that syed thing. and he lived in dubai before his father is an engineer. pandai.
but this is it. only crushing. haha, nothing more cuz i dont know if he even realised my existence XDXD

I'm gonna keep quiet about this...... and hopefully the seniors are all nice to me. I hope, insha Allah.

let's rock this semester.

inshaAllah, the next semester could be my final semester. pray for me. Amin.