second year first semester

WEHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

:((

i finally reached level 2 of my study! *excited* yay!!!!! actually in UIA the level of the studies will depends solely on Credit Hour. if your CH is not enough to reach certain level then you will stuck on the same level. for example, my classmate, she enrolled together with me but till now she is still on level 1, because for the first semester she only took the minimum CH which was 12 CH, and for the next semester she also took 12 CH. and for this semester, she is taking 15 CH. the CH for previous semesters that she took was only 24 CH, that was not enough to reached level 2. because to reach level 2 you need to obtained 31 CH and above. like mine, for the first semester i only managed to took 15.5 CH due to all the section for all subjects were closed and the management gave priority to seniors -.- and for last semester i took 18.5 that would sum up to 34 CH in total. that was enough to make me reached level 2.

so this semester is really scaryyyyy. because the core subjects are so damn hard >< 

i wonder if i could get dean's lists again ><

and my dream is to get at least 3.6 CGPA that would grant me FREE STUDY LOAN. i dont have to pay the loan that for almost rm 30 000 plus :( 

ergh. that scares me.

for this semester i'll be taking these subjects.

comparative politics

public administration

modern history of europe

science of quran

critical n creative thinking

islamic ethics

tilawah al quran 2

WISH ME LUCK :(

e-gift cards

Assalamualaikum and hi everyone! :)

Actually nothing much happened to me during these past days except that I'm struggling with my final exam. for this semester i took 18.5 credit hour equivalent to seven subjects. I'M ALMOST DEAD BUT NAHHH still kicking.lol. 

What I hate the most when it comes to finals? When I actually have read that particular topic but when I was in the hall I hardly could recall anything it was so fishing annoying :( besides seeing others focusing on their answer meanwhile my mind was shifting to another place then bammmmmmmm I just wrote whatever that I felt right?

I know :( it sucks. terribly. 

But there's something that cheered me up for a bit. it's because of e-gift cards! say what!!! What is e-gift cards by the way? hold up guys. Wow let me tell all of you about this e-gift cards. take a deep breath. 

now

lets go

It's about E-gift cards!!! Now even Zalora has offered the e-gift cards. Let's check this out.

So E-Gift Cards are used just like regular Gift Cards online or in stores. This also means that it is the newest way and also the way of the future for online shopping.You can easily buy and own it. It could not get any better than this!! I'm so hyped up for this. Of course there are many benefits for this e-gift cards.

BENEFITS OF E-GIFT CARDS

Everyone knows the existence of e-gift cards since online shopping has become the ‘IT’ thing in this modern era. However, some may know the use and benefits of purchasing e-gift cards. It may seem like an ordinary shopping voucher to shop at your favourite stores but it definitely is perfect for men and women to enjoy especially when they are on a tight budget. It cannot be denied that we have times when we do not have that many cash on us but still want to reward ourselves with new fashion items. This is where e-gift cards come in handy as you can enjoy shopping your saved gift card and get the items you want as long as the e-gift card is not expired. 

Besides that, if you have a friend’s birthday coming on or even any special occasions, and have no idea what to give as gift to them, e-gift cards will be the perfect choice. Do some research on the sites or brands the person likes and purchase e-gift cards for them to shop online. This is definitely the perfect way if you are clueless on what to give a person as no one can ever resist the temptation of a free e-gift card to shop. 

 Other than that, e-gift cards allow you to stay within budget. For example, if you are afraid that you would shop over the budget you had set, e-gift cards is the way to go. You can buy a e-gift card with any amount available and only limit your items to reach the value amount of the gift card. It will absolutely help you only pick items which you can adjust the closest to the value of the e-gift card without ever worrying you overspend. If you are someone who loves fashion, ZALORA also offers a few choices of e-gift card values and you can purchase them immediately to experience a whole new online shopping experience.

now....

whoah that's interesting right? it makes me feel like buying the e-gift cards for myself,lol, i know that sound pathetic but actually it does not. Hey, you can also buy this for someone else as it is a prefect gift for your friends, boyfriend, girlfriend, parents, family heyyyyyyyy or even your crush *blushing* 

so what are you waiting now?

let's buy ZALORA E-gift cards! 

Great news!

Assalamualaikum and hi everyone! :)

Actually nothing much happened to me during these past days except that I'm struggling with my final exam. for this semester i took 18.5 credit hour equivalent to seven subjects. I'M ALMOST DEAD BUT NAHHH still kicking.lol. 

What I hate the most when it comes to finals? When I actually have read that particular topic but when I was in the hall I hardly could recall anything it was so fishing annoying :( besides seeing others focusing on their answer meanwhile my mind was shifting to another place then bammmmmmmm I just wrote whatever that I felt right?

I know :( it sucks. terribly. 

But there's something that cheered me up for a bit. it's because of e-gift cards! say what!!! What is e-gift cards by the way? hold up guys. Wow let me tell all of you about this e-gift cards. take a deep breath. 

now

lets go

It's about E-gift cards!!! Now even Zalora has offered the e-gift cards. Let's check this out.

So E-Gift Cards are used just like regular Gift Cards online or in stores. This also means that it is the newest way and also the way of the future for online shopping.You can easily buy and own it. It could not get any better than this!! I'm so hyped up for this. Of course there are many benefits for this e-gift cards.

BENEFITS OF E-GIFT CARDS

Everyone knows the existence of e-gift cards since online shopping has become the ‘IT’ thing in this modern era. However, some may know the use and benefits of purchasing e-gift cards. It may seem like an ordinary shopping voucher to shop at your favourite stores but it definitely is perfect for men and women to enjoy especially when they are on a tight budget. It cannot be denied that we have times when we do not have that many cash on us but still want to reward ourselves with new fashion items. This is where e-gift cards come in handy as you can enjoy shopping your saved gift card and get the items you want as long as the e-gift card is not expired.

Besides that, if you have a friend’s birthday coming on or even any special occasions, and have no idea what to give as gift to them, e-gift cards will be the perfect choice. Do some research on the sites or brands the person likes and purchase e-gift cards for them to shop online. This is definitely the perfect way if you are clueless on what to give a person as no one can ever resist the temptation of a free e-gift card to shop. 

 Other than that, e-gift cards allow you to stay within budget. For example, if you are afraid that you would shop over the budget you had set, e-gift cards is the way to go. You can buy a e-gift card with any amount available and only limit your items to reach the value amount of the gift card. It will absolutely help you only pick items which you can adjust the closest to the value of the e-gift card without ever worrying you overspend. If you are someone who loves fashion, ZALORA also offers a few choices of e-gift card values and you can purchase them immediately to experience a whole new online shopping experience.

now....

whoah that's interesting right? it makes me feel like buying the e-gift cards for myself,lol, i know that sound pathetic but actually it does not. Hey, you can also buy this for someone else as it is a prefect gift for your friends, boyfriend, girlfriend, parents, family heyyyyyyyy or even your crush *blushing* 

so what are you waiting now?

let's buy ZALORA E-gift cards! 

.

found this somewhere, i feel chu sista.

 "Few days ago, my best friend told me that someone confessed his love to her. I don't know what to feel because i never experienced such situation before  I don't have pretty face and smile, nor curvy body. I could not say i am an average-looking girl, because i am lower than that. No, you do not have to tell me ""You are beautiful in your own way"". I asked my male best friend, what are the criterias of his dream girls? He replied ""kind and beautiful"". I am not surprised to know that someone as religious as him also concerns about the looks. Some of my friends have been promoting the idea of early marriage and showed me pictures of young married couples and i said ""if i were the guys i surely would wife the pretty ladies. Kalau kau boleh tunjuk gambar macam ni tapi wife dia biasa2, tak cantik sgt, that'd be great"". And they failed to do so. Isn't it obvious that EVERY GUY in the world would fall for pretty girls regardless her attitudes and deen strength?

I am not trying to drag the other average girls out there into my level of mentality. But if you have your own way to keep your self-esteem high, share with me in the comment box. And please, don't say anything about being ugly if you already have flawless skin smoky eyes pointy nose nice lips and charming smile, because i don't have ANY OF THESE. "

 I can relate myself to you because I had been feeling depressed about that issue few years ago. But girl, tak cantik tak apa, if god has taken something away from you, he will compensate another thing to you. Maybe we are not born to be in the group where general definition of pretty stands but we have other talents that the pretty girls are lacking off. No one is perfect in everything. You have your strength and your weaknesses. Observe yourself to see which area you are strong in i. e. intelligence, photographic memory, good vocal, artistical talent or anything other than beauty. Enhance that strength so that you will be proud of yourself and get over the physical traits

 i feel u girl *virtual hugs*. i have many friends who are either married,getting married,engaged or in a relationship,got confessed to and all of them are pretty,and i even wonder so many times,am i still single because i'm not that pretty?i know people said beauty is in the eye of the beholder etc but when nobody ever say u are pretty then that surely means something.but i think i grew out of that.being pretty is NOT the most important thing  to confessor,i would like to share so many things with u so it is ok if u want to pm me  take care and have more confidence in yourself ok

 Beauty will fade. What makes a husband to stay with her wife forever is not because of her looks but because of her kind heart.

He knows that his wife's pretty looks will soon fade as she grows old, but he knows that her kind heart will remain forever.

titik

kadangkala apa yang kita rasa tak sama

ia akan tak akan pernah sama

kadang kala ia hanyalah aku

bukan kau

atau hakikatnya kau tak pernah tahu

takkan pernah tahu 

mungkin kau sendiri tak sedar akan kewujudan aku

terima kasih

dan selamat tinggal

kerana aku sudah menemukan titik noktahnya

untuk melupakan

mulakan hidup

titik

I miss you harry

Ye, saya rindu awak. I miss you. Siapa awak tu? Ek, ni bukan pasal aku rindu siapa in fact aku takde siapa-siapa untuk dirindukan = =

Ni drama korea. Ye drama ni baru je habis tayang kat korea bulan 1 hari tu dan tv9 baru start tayang cerita ni dekat slot chamsarang. Wehuuu. Aku bukan nak cakap pasal tv9 ke apa. Sebelum tv9 tak tayang aku tak ambik peduli pun pasal drama ni. Ada ah bukak trailer kat youtube tapi malas nak tengok sebab tak minat.

Tapi bila tv9 tayang first episode aku macam DAMN. Kenapa tak tengok awal-awal, cerita ni best gila kot. Eh aku baru tengok episode 7 :P Tapi aku dah baca spoiler/ recap episode yang seterusnya sampai habis. I was like sedihnya. Start episode 6/7 camtu mata aku memang bengkak habis ah. Nangis je kerja. 

Sedih + + Baca summary pun boleh nangis beria-ria, ni kan pulak nak tengok cerita tu? So aku decided nak sambung tengok episode 8 esok. Kalau nak tunggu tv9 agak lambat nak tengok.

Micky? Eun hye? kisah cinta diaorang? aku tak peduli sangat. Tapi aku suka tengok part micky ngan mak lee soo yeon. Sweet gila, siap panggil mak soo yeon tu honey, lover. kekekeke. Memang menjadi,

Tapi my fav is Harry borrison aka hyung joon aka jun. HE IS REALLY SOMETHING. I cried a lot bila scenes dia. Aku  tertarik dengan watak dia ni masa dia kecil lagi aka masa dia start lari daripada han tae jun. Dengan kaki yang sakit berdarah kena gigit dengan anjing.. lari thru tingkap.. hidup tertekan dengan mak dia takde kat sisi, lepas tu masa dia bertegas dengan nurse tu nak bawa seo yoon dengan dia. tapi dia yang buat detective tu terbunuh - - 

Aku suka part tu. In fact, aku harapkan diaorang kekal bersama. Sampai bila-bila. but somehow he turned into some really creepy guy. he gets creppier day by day. 

Dah la dia yang bunuh orang. Tapi aku faham dia........ aku suka watak dia. tapi dengan 'cane' dia tu, menambahkan rasa simpati dalam diri aku. dah la masa episode yang dia larikan diri tu kena tembak dekat kaki tu jugak. dia menangis panggil eun hye.

OH PLS! Aku sedih sangat tengok dia....... 

aku tak pernah sangka yang aku akan menangis bila baca episode recap/summary. i mean, what? hehe.

aku memang akan sedih bila last2 harry/joon ni jadi gila n yet kena masuk penjara... the same thing happened last year masa ccerita stay with me my love, suk bin jadi gila and main ngan anak dia macam budak kecik. please la, it can't get any sadder than this.........

tapi aku geram dengan han jung woo kenapa pengecut sangat tinggalkan soo yeon, melarikan diri. semua.. i can't blame joon for behaving like that. hatred is filled in his heart. and dia cuma ada soo yeon masa dia membesar.. dia masih budak........ 

oh rasa nak nangis..... recap yang aku baca memnag detail habis....... haha

tapi tetap nak tengok ep 8 dan seterusnya walaupun rasa macam dh tengok sbbkan recap terlalu detail. heh.

k. tapi micky punya acting improved gila! rooftop prince tu best jugak dia berlakon but this time double best.  rooftop prince aku suka dia jadi maharaja <3333 abang="" div="" hensemng="" jerawat="" kat="" micky="" muka="" nbsp="" ni="" tu="" walaupun="">

- - hahaha

joon be by my side? pls

he wanted love. 

oh no, my eyes! 

HARRY BORRISON YOU HAVE MADE ME FALLEN FOR YOU. I NEVER THOUGHT THAT I'LL LOVE YOU MORE THAN HAN JUNG WOO.

WAE? WAE?

Masa awak kecik pun saya suka awak. masa rambut awak panjang sampai la awak potong rambut. sampai la awak pakai tongkat. sampai la awak suka stalk cctv. sampai la awak tak mengaku awak yang bunuh orang tu. sampai la awak buat macam soo yeon yang bunuh orang tu. sampai la awak akhirnya jadi gila lost..... I STILL LOVE YOUR CHARACTER. WAE? WAE?

am i crazy for fallen for you? i mean there's no such 'you' in my real life. ok maybe if tv9 tak siar cerita ni maybe i will still wonder who the heck is harry borrison? you are my dream guy, lepas dong wook dalam cerita scent of a woman, lepas rain dalam cerita a love to kill.

you're my type. tapi i know ppl like you will never exist in my real life. wae? i want you.

chin up baby~ kalau zoey taknak awak, saya ada. Saya tau awak suka soo yeon..nak dia cintakan awak.. kalaulah awak suruh dia balik france mesti perkara ni tak terjadi. BUT THIS IS DRAMA. 

kenapa la aku jadi 'gila' sangat dengan watak joon ni.. walaupun dia ada dark side.. kenapa aku tak tertarik dengan watak utama? sama gak macam cerita heartsrings, aku lebih suka tengok kang minhyuk = =

ahahaha. IM SUCH A WEIRDO~~

Btw, gonna finish watching it....... ahhhhhhhh shouldn't have read the recap.. sengsara jiwa. dah tahu ending, konflik segala ni = =

Taylor's University

Hey... zzz...

Before 2012 ended, I filled up Taylor's Entrance Scholarship 2013 using my trial result. And after a few days, they mailed me and informed that I got the scholarship. I was so speechless and didn't expect that. But anyway, I told my mum. And guess what? she said, jangan nak mengada-ngada pergi. hahahah

okayyyyyyy.. then buat tak tahu je lah. But semalam my adik kata, what if I can't get into public university~ meaning that I don't get any offer.. Mesti menyesal punya and i thought of the same way as her. 

damn me.

But kalau terima the offer, campus dia dekat lakeside campus.. and i must to get at least 5A's in my actual result but I think I can get that~ but if i didn't get that i must pay all the fees~ hahahaha kalau tak maintain cgpa lagi during foundation year and degree. 

Anyway. i'm hoping to get at least like my trial result for SPM ... and get into public university and doing foundation or diploma. as long as I get the place and I'm ok :)

and here's the mail that they sent to me. and goobye taylor's university

jajajajjaa........................ 

Kenangan (cerpen)

Oh ok. Aku tak tahu apa yang aku tiba-tiba mengigau. Tiba-tiba je buat cerpen :( Mungkin aku rindukan kwang soo, Hehehhe. Maafkan aku. Aku menulis saja-saja je.

btw, aku guna lirik mariah carey. 

Enjoy.

_______________________________________________________________________

'I thought you were over him?"

Senyap. Soalan Kwang soo tidak terus aku jawab. Aku memandang ke luar tingkap yang kosong. Kwang soo masih setia duduk di sebelah. Tangannya sibuk menekan alat kawalan jauh. Mukanya agak kelat, tak seperti biasa.

Aku mengangguk perlahan " Ingatkan. But I was wrong. I think I still like him"

Dia mengeluh. Tangannya digenggam kuat, dia menummbuk meja coffee kuat.

"Hara, he has another girl. Kau faham tak?!!"

Jerkahan Kwang soo membuatkan aku bagai tersedar dari lamunan. Ya, aku tahu. Tapi aku tak boleh senang-senang nak lupakan dia.

He's still will be part of my life. Forever.

Kwang soo bangun. Matanya menatap wajah aku yang kusam. Dia tersenyum kecil. Hampir tidak kelihatan anak matanya, mata kwang soo akan tenggelam apabila dia senyum.

"Aku nak balik. If you need anything, call me. I'll be your shoulder as always and forever"

Aku diam. Tapi aku mengangguk perlahan.

Ya aku pasti aku akan perlukan dia.

----

Taman Spinning penuh dengan pelbagai kerenah manusia. Di bangku panjang, kelihatan sepasang kekasih yang sedang melakukan aktiviti dengan sangat gembira. Langsung tidak mempedulikan kehadiran orang yang lalu lalang di sekeliling mereka.

They're so into themselves.

Di luar sedar, aku merenung mereka tajam. Ya, lelaki tersebut nampak santai dengan gaya kasualnya manakala gadis yang ada disisinya nampak comel dengan dress pendek bercorak bunga. Sama cantik sama padan.

Mereka berdua menoleh ke arah aku. Pandangan mata kami bertemu. Kaku. Badan aku terasa kaku untuk beberapa saat. Gadis tersebut tersenyum ke arah aku. Selepas itu mereka terus berlalu pergi dari situ.

It's him.

Hati aku menjadi sakit. Dia. Badan aku terasa lemah dan tidak berdaya. Rasa macam dilanggar lori dan digilis dengan kuat.

Oh tuhan. Kuatkan hati aku. Aku tak sangka aku akan berjumpa dengan dia lagi.. Selepas peristiwa yang memalukan itu.

Peristiwa itu. Memalukan untuk diingati... tapi apabila diingat semula aku rasa geram. Marah.

"Saya suka awak"

Senyap. Tiada balasan daripada dia.

"Kenapa? Tell me a reason why do you like me?"

" I like you for no reason. I just like you"

"Then I have to say that I do not like you.  I just don't like you" Gary tersenyum sinis. 

Dia melangkah pergi " I'll never be with anybody else... I have her" langkahnya dilajukan menuju ke arah gadis yang sudah menunggunya di hujung cafe. Soraya. 

Terasa hujung mataku sudah basah. Ya, basah dengan air mata. Aku memang lemah. Aku tak kan pernah terima hakikat yang aku sudah direject terang-terangan.

Bahu terasa seperti dicuit. Aku menoleh perlahan... kwang soo.

Ah, dia memang ada di saat aku perlukan dia.

" Macam mana kau tahu aku ada kat sini?" 

Wajahnya kosong tanpa senyuman, tidak seperti selalu. Dia menghelakan nafas berat.

" Kau tahu tak yang kau ni bodoh?" ujarnya tiba-tiba. Tiada nada marah dalam suaranya.

Aku menggeleng.. Menafikan apa yang dia katakan.

Aku tak bodoh. Langsung tidak.

" Ya kau bodoh " suaranya ditekankan sedikit kuat.

Mata aku memandang sekeliling.. kelihatan beberapa orang kanak-kanak sedang kejar-mengejar antara satu sama lain. Ahhh.. alangkah bahagianya mereka. Tidak perlu memikirkan tentang orang lain, boleh buat sesuka hati saja.

Dia menarik lengan aku dengan kuat. Sakit. Wajahnya yang sedikit pucat itu aku pandang. Dia kelihatan sakit..

"Kau sakit?"

Senyap. Soalan aku dibiarkan sahaja.. tangannya masih tidak melepaskan lengan aku.

"Kau biarkan diri kau tak bahagia semata-mata untuk lelaki bodoh yang tidak tahu menghargai kau.Kau sakitkan hati kau sendiri. Kau biarkan hati kau terluka..sedangkan kau boleh bahagia. You deserve to be happy"

Tak. Kau tak faham Kwang Soo bukan senang nak lupakan seseorang yang kau suka. Kau tak faham apa yang aku rasa. You'll never understand me.


" Don't think that I don't understand you, because I do" sambungnya lagi.

Aku juga bangun dari duduk. Aku tak nak bersedih lagi. I just want to be happy.

" Then, teach me how to be happy"

Aku pandang dia. Dia mengangguk.

Ya dia berjanji akan ajar aku untuk jadi happy. Aku percaya dengan dia.. selalunya apa yang dia kata selalunya betul. Kalau lah dia kata bumi ini berbentuk segi empat pun aku percaya. Dia memang betul.

---------

Terasa seperti badan aku digoncang kuat. Huh, tsunami melanda? Mata yang masih tertutup rapat dibuka perlahan. Kelihatan seorang lelaki di depan aku. Mungkin aku bermimpi. Iphone yang berada di sebelah dicapai. Ah, baru pukul 9.00 pagi.

Mata digosok-gosok. Aku memandang lelaki tersebut yang sudah tersenyum di depan aku. Kwang soo.

"Kau nak apa? Pagi lagi ni" aku mengeluh.

Dan ya, kenapa dia perlu menganggu aku di pagi sabtu ini. Aku perlukan tidur yang secukupnya.

" Kau dah lupa? Aku janji nak ajar kau jadi gembira"

Dahi aku tepuk kuat. Aku tersengih menampakkan gigi arnab aku.


----

UWEKKK

Ahhh aku muntah buat kali ketiga. Kepala aku masih lagi seperti berada di awangan akibat roller coaster tadi. Aku pandang kwang soo yang sudah ketawa. Sakit hati aku dibuatnya. Dia yang beria-beria mahu melakukan terapi kononnya how-to-be-happy-with-kwang-soo.Aku ke taman tema pun kerana dia yang beria-ria dia mahu mengembirakan aku.

Kononnya.Tapi aku terasa seperti berada di neraka. Terseksa.

"Aku nak balik" ujarku tegas. Aku tak nak terseksa dengan pelbagai jenis permainan yang mengerikan." Ini bukan menghappykan tapi menggerikan aku" sambung aku lagi.

Dia tersengih " Sure. Tapi esok hari kedua. Kita ada aktiviti lain. Seperti yang kau sendiri setuju"

Oh damn. Aku terperangkap.

---

Hari kedua memang menggembirakan aku. Sebabnya mudah.. misi jalan-jalan cari makan. Aku memang sukakan makanan.

Aku bersandar di kerusi tersebut. Wajah kwang soo aku renung perlahan. Kacak. Dia memang kacak dan dapat mencairkan beratus gadis. Tapi dia memilih untuk single.

Aku ingat lagi.. dia kata dia akan terus single sebab crushnya.

"Kau suka siapa,kwang soo? bagitahulah aku. Aku bagitahu siapa yang aku suka tapi kau?" Aku terus mendesak dia.

"Tak ada gunanya kalau aku bagitahu siapa yang aku suka. Aku bukannya akan dapat dia pun"

"So kau suka aku je lah, kan senang? hahahhahaha" 

Wajahnya bertukar merah. Dia hanya ketawa. Aku turut ketawa. 

"Kau bukannya suka aku pun" Nadanya bertukar sedih.

Aku memandang dia " Tahu takpe"

Wajahnya sekali lagi bertukar muram. Dia senyap sahaja. Mungkin orang yang dia minat tu sudah berpunya kot.

"Eh kita nak makan apa lagi?" Tanya Kwang soo ceria.

Aku suka dia apabila dia ceria. Dia nampak berkali-kali lebih kacak. Ohhh, aku memang sukakan wajah dia.

Aku mengangkat kening " Ice cream?"

"Vanilla?"

"Aah"

Dia bangun menuju ke arah gerai yang menjual ice cream yang berada tidak selang 10 langkah dari tempat kami duduk. Dia kembali dengan dua cup ice cream beperisa vanilla.

" You're such a good partner"

Dia senyum. Suka mendengar pujian aku.....

" Aku mungkin tak dapat teruskan sesi kita" Dia terhenti.. matanya cuba memandang mata aku. Wajah kami bertemu. "Aku ada hal yang tak boleh dielakkan."

Tangannya menghulurkan satu sampul surat yang berwarna putih itu ke arah aku. Tidak tebal, nipis sahaja.

" Tu, kau bukak a week after this day."

A week after this day? Kenapa bukan sekarang je?

" Tak boleh bukak sekarang. Hara, ini amanah. Kau tak boleh mungkiri amanah"

Serius. Dia sangat serius.

" Ok" Aku menganggguk lemah.

Siapa nak temankan aku lagi lepas ni? Kwang soo dah tak ada sekejap lepas ni? cuti masih panjang? terpaksalah aku duduk di rumah.

------

Sudah lima hari sejak aku mendengar berita daripada kwang soo. Dia langsung tak update status di facebook ataupun twitter.

Tangan sibuk mengacau air milo di dalam gelas.

Kringgg kringgg

Bunyi telefon bimbit menganggu perhatian aku. Telefon yang berada di atas meja tu, aku capai malas. Langsung tak melihat siapa pemanggil.

" Err, hello" Suara di hujung talian menyapa

"Hello, siapa ni?"

"Awak Hara?"

"Ya saya"

Pandangan aku masih melekat di skrin tv.. melihat big bang membuat persembahan sungguh mengujakan aku. Oh G-dragon sangat comel.

" Saya Ieyeen. Saya sepupu Kwang soo" katanya perlahan, suaranya sedikir serak.

Oh. Sepupu? kenapa dia perlu menelefon aku? apa yang dah jadi dengan kwang soo.

Hati aku tiba-tiba berdegup dengan pantas. Mengalahkan masa larian Usain Bolt.

" Dia..." kata-kata Ieyeen sudah mati.. yang dengar hanyalah esak tangisan gadis tersebut.

"Kenapa? Apa yang dah jadi dengan dia?" tanpa sedar aku sudah menengking dia.

Aku menarik nafas panjang. Gusar. Risau.

" Dia dah meninggal. Pembedahan jantung dia tidak berjaya. Dia ada sampaikan pesanan kepada aku, untuk ingatkan kau tentang surat tu. Dia nak kau tepati janji dia......."

Telefon yang aku pegang sudah jatuh. Pecah berkecai skrin iphone tu. Kwang soo, meninggal? Baru minggu lepas aku jumpa dia.. bersama-sama dengan dia. Dia mengadakan sesi how-to-happy-with-kwang-soo.

Aku kelu. Air mataku turun dengan laju. Hati ku terasa sakit. Lebih sakit daripada apa yang aku rasa selepas ditolak oleh Gary. Sakitnya lebih dalam dan tak terkata.

Aku tak tahu kenapa aku rasa kesepian... aku terasa betul-betul bersendirian... Air mata ku tun dengan begitu lebat tanpa dapat ditahan langsung.

Mama yang muncul entah dari mana memeluk aku. Aku membalas pelukan mama erat.

" Ma, he's gone"

Aku menangis lagi.

Rambut aku diusap-usap lembut oleh mama. Aku menangis dalam dakapan mama.

"Mama... he left me. After he promised  how to teach me to be happy. How can I be happy?"

Esakan aku terus menjadi-jadi. Mama mengangguk-angguk " Hara, kena jadi happy macam yang kwang soo ajar. He didn't teach you to be sad right?"


Aku mengangguk lemah. Aku lena dalam pelukan mama.

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Tapak perkuburan aku tinggalkan dengan penuh rasa sedih. Kecewa. Tapi aku sedar yang aku tak perlu raa macam ni. Setiap manusia akan pergi meninggalkan dunia ni. Aku bukan tak boleh menerima hakikat.
Aku cuma terkilan sebab dia tak berkongsi masalah dengan aku. Sedangkan aku banyak menyusahkan dia dengan masalah aku.

Sampul surat berwarna putih yang aku genggam erat aku buka. Hari ni sudah seminggu selepas dia bagi aku surat tu. Kwang soo, aku tak lupa janji aku kepada kau.

Aku buka perlahan-lahan. Tulisan tangannya menyapa mataku. Aku berasa sebak apabila melihat segala perkara yang berkaitan dengan dia.

Hi. Hara. Kau mesti tengah baca surat aku ni kan? Aku baik-baik saja cuma mungkin masa kau baca ni aku masih kat hospital untuk rawatan susulan atau aku sudah mati. Hehehehe.
Aku takut sebenarnya, aku terpaksa rahsiakan keadaan aku daripada kau sebab aku taknak kau risaukan aku. Sebab aku sendiri ada bagitahu kau kan yang kau deserve to be happy. Jadi untuk kebaikan kau aku rasa tak perlulah kau tahu pasal aku.

Anyway,  kau ingat tak kau ada tanya aku siapa yang aku suka.. Sebenarnya aku sukakan kau.. Cuma aku takut nak bagitahu kau.. Yelah, aku tak sama macam Gary. Aku sukakan kau sejak dulu lagi tapi aku taknak rosakkan friendship kita.

Let's not talk about that. Aku malu sebenarnya. Aku rasa sakit sangat bila tengok kau sedih. Aku nak kau sentiasa happy macam dulu-dulu.

Aku nak kau sentiasa happy dan ceria. Kalau kau sedih aku pun sedih :(

Dan buat kesekian kalinya aku menangis lagi. Kalau lah dia masih ada..Kadangkala manusia ni pelik bila seseorang tu dah pergi baru kita rasa kehilangan begitu juga dengan apa yang aku rasa.

Kwang soo, aku suka kau juga.

Sitting in the dark without you
How am I supposed to make it
Through the night
Slowly fall apart without you
Cry away the hours
Till the morning light


Aku tersenyum memandang pelajar baru yang masuk tu. Hehehe, comelnya dia. 

"Hai aku Hara, pelajar lama di sini"  Aku memberanikan dia untuk menyapa lelaki tersebut.

Lelaki tersebut tersenyum, hampir tidak kelihatan anak matanya. Tenggelam dek senyuman dia itu. 

" Kwang soo"

" Nice to meet you Kwang soo. Let's be friend" Aku mengajak dia. 

Dia mengangguk penuh semangat " Aku kawan dengan semua orang"

Kwang soo, aku takkan lupa kau.

" Rest In Peace, Kwang Soo" 

p/s: kamsahamida for reading! Inspired by Running Man :)